well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
