mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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