Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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