yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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