I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
