fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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