Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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