When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
