Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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