Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
