He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
