I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
