She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
