I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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