I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize