When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
