Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
