is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
