the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we're so committed to being not committed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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