Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
