so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
