no, he came in my armpit
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
