it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
