i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Small penises have feelings too.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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