i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
