There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize