I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
