dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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