sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
