Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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