Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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