either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
