He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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