Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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