i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i out mim tonsoeep
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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