I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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