So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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