Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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