what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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