so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
