My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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