summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
