You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
