I heard we made out
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
