I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
