The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
