fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
