I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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