I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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