it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
