I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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