The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
