I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
