Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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