if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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