My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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