He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
