So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
