PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Randomize
