i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
