I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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