Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
