Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
