we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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