my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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