You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
