so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
