Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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