the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize