So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize