You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The best revenge is premature balding
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
