I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
