last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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