Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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