Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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