He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
