who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
