you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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