I CAN MOONWALK!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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