I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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