Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize