Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
