That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
