Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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