we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
