Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
