we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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