I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
