I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
