I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
