if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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