It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
