remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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