let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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