If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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