Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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